This past weekend was incredible and I can’t believe that I almost didn’t go. I’ve been sitting here staring at the blank post box trying to figure out how to write about what I did and who I met and the things I’ve learned from this past weekend.
I was able to see people in person that I’d met in virtual classes and it was incredible! I got to hug them and see their smiling faces and feel their energy. Though the hugs did remind me of how short I am.
I got to interact with people that treated me as a sexual being and not a sexual object and shared that energy with me. I also got one hell of a scene with the promise of more in the future.
Besides that though I learned a lot things as well. I learned what it’s like to be surrounded by that much leather. I’ve been to vanilla conferences and conventions that were larger, so I thought it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but walking around and seeing more leather in one space than I ever have before was incredible.
But the biggest thing I learned was how lonely I was this past year, and how most of that was my own fault. Well, that was something I already knew but this weekend solidified it. Over the past few months I’ve realized how all the self-destructive behaviours I thought I curbed were still there, they just weren’t as obvious. I was so deep in my own head with my own anxiety and fears of meeting other peoples expectations that instead of being truly vulnerable I pushed people away. This weekend made me realize just how much that affected those around me. The realization, that I had been avoiding thinking about, that while I was upset and hurting I hurt others instead of asking for help. I realized that I need to take serious steps forward, despite still being scared to do so, to do something about it.
I learned that I have many steps to take in my journey to heal myself and make amends. This journey isn’t just for myself but for those around me, for those in my community, so I can be a better member of this community. The things we do, the hot fucking sex and the beatings, takes vulnerability. Being a part of this amazing community takes vulnerability. Vulnerability, and quite frankly the ability to be honest with myself, is something for me to improve upon moving forward.
I probably could have come to these realizations on my own, in my own time, but attending this community event and seeing and hearing others let me come to these realizations sooner.
I guess the best way to sum up this weekend would be something I heard Master Seykou say, We did leather shit.
in love and leather