Something that Devyn and I have introduced recently to our dynamic is grace training. We’ve added this to our dynamic to help adjust certain vocal habits and certain mannerisms that we both felt weren’t beneficial to how I wish to be perceived.

Grace Training refers to social graces, which are skills used to behave politely in social situations. This includes etiquette and manners (which are very different things), as well as how one speaks. In a not so nice definition, it’s essentially tone policing.
Grace training, is not necessarily something that can be easily googled, as one will tend to get results from religious organisations. This is likely because the phrasing of “grace training” is very specific to kink. However, social graces are included in finishing school programs. This is either labeled as courses in social graces or courses in etiquette.

For the purpose of M/s, grace training is used to create what’s seen as the “graceful slave.” I personally find the phrase somewhat annoying and over done but it does offer us a lens to how people wish to be perceived in their slavehood. In all honesty, despite my annoyance with the phrase, I want to be perceived as being the “graceful slave.”

Though the process of getting to what that looks like to you can vary. I am by know means an expert, but after some digging around these are the various methods I’ve seen folks do.

“Hands On” Training

Some D-types will opt to train their slaves personally. This does come with some experience on the part of the D-type; either they’ve done extensive research on grace training, been mentored or coached by another, or been through grace training or finishing school themselves.

A pro to this is that the D-type is able to train the s-type in the exact way they want them to appear. The s-type is also able to sit down and negotiate the full extent of the grace training and full understand what will be taking part of it.

Finishing School

Another option is for the s-type to attend finishing school or take some online classes in grace training. Physical options tend to be more accessible to those in major metropolitan areas, but with some digging you can find some online courses easily.

A pro to this is that if the D-type has little experience in grace training there’s less research on their part and the curriculum is often set out very clearly by the program. However finishing school can be somewhat pricey and you can’t individualize to meet the more adult themes of what we’re looking for.

Individual Training

This is for those who are either unpartnered or the D-type has tasked them to do some research of their own. This is when you do reading and research and think about what you’re doing and when. The D-type can assist by saying “I don’t think this thing contributes to grace” and then you alone work on it.

The main way to do this in my opinion is reading articles and books related to service. I am currently digging through resources to make a separate post about how to do individual training. However, I am often told that Etiquette by Emily Post (the older the better) is a good place to start. Though this is something that seems to be common in the leather scene.

With love and leather,